Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar
drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, “You know my parents are
forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once.” We call this arranged marriage.
...
I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love… I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.

The American said, Talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father’s son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems…

HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, that's a serious family problem. Poor guy!!!

I hope the Indian be happy after listening to this poor guy's story. Gosh, ha ha ha!!!!!

Who died for us and saved the world?

GOKU

Talking about families or, in this case, couples...

How Adam Got Eve

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
When God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
And that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,
And when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you ..
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
Passion whenever you need it.'

Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'

Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'
Of course the rest is history............!!!!

Great.

Is perfect

Eight Ways A Parent Can Answer their Kid's Complaints on Vacation

1. "This is boring..."
Answer: Pretend you are one of the Irish Tenors and sing "Danny Boy" at the top of your voice while occasionally dabbing your eyes with a Kleenex."

2. "It's taking too long to get there..."
Answer: Tell the kids, "The people we're going to visit serve stewed spinach and frozen ox tongue for breakfast and lunch every day. Still want us to step on it?"

3. "I'd rather be back home in my own room..."
Answer: Hold up an envelope and tear it in half again and again and say, "You're absolutely right. I always told your grandparents these tickets to Disneyland were a stupid idea from the very beginning."

4. "I think we need to stop, I'm feeling sick..."
Answer: "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. But don't worry...look up... I've taped a lunch bag on the car ceiling above each seat."

5. "She's sitting on my side of the seat. Tell her to move over..."
Answer: Crawl over the back seat between them and attempt to stand on your head on the floor of the car while flailing your legs in the air shouting, "Danger...danger...Will Smith...intruder detected....danger...."

6. "You promised this would be fun..."
Answer: Produce two oxygen masks from the glove compartment, putting one on your husband's face and the other on your own. Breathe deeply then start laughing hysterically. Keep laughing until you are crying, While you both are still unable to speak scratch out the words, "Laughing Gas" on a piece of paper. Offer to share your masks with the kids.

7. "There's nothing I like to eat here..."
Answer: Bring along some large granola pieces poured into a dog food bag. Pour them out in a dish at the restaurant and start eating with just your mouth. Look up occasionally and bark. When you're finished say, "Hmmm...you're right. This tastes so much better. Here, you try some."

8. "We never have enough money to have any real fun..."
Answer: "Money doesn't grow on trees.

Second Answer: "Actually money does grow on trees, because it's made out of paper."

10 Things that a Dog Teaches a Parent, Just Because
By Cheryl Moeller

1. Just Because...you take a nap, doesn't make you worthless.

2. Just Because...the newspaper is in your neighbor's driveway doesn't mean you can't read the headlines.

3. Just Because...you are grown up, doesn't mean you still don't like squeaky toys.

4. Just Because...you bark, doesn't mean people will listen.

5. Just Because...there's nothing in the refrigerator, doesn't mean there isn't anything to eat.

6. Just Because...there is a guest at your house, you have to like the guest.

7. Just Because...it's messy and drooling, doesn't make it a real kiss.

8. Just Because...you are inside doesn't mean you wish you weren't outside, and vice versa.

9. Just Because...you find something in the back yard, doesn't mean you have to eat it.

10. Just Because...you look at someone long enough with sad eyes, doesn't mean you will always get what you want (but it's worth a try).

Real meanings of women’s English, For Men,
We need = I want
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

Real meanings of Men’s English, For Women,
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
"What's wrong?" = what meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!
I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third culinary is different from having your first.

Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

---------------

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

---------------

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's bedroom bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

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Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

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Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

---------------

Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, even they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

---------------

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

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Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

---------------

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a large bit of every day hiding from the children.

---------------

Swallowing Coins

1st baby: when first child swallows a coin, you rush him to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd baby: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd baby: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

Family morals...

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made
a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Lucy raised a hand and said, "Our family are farmers, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am! My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Marge. She was a flight engineer during Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete. So .. she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. Then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until it ran out of bullets! Then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay away from Aunt Marge when she's been drinking."